The Gift Nobody Wants:
Me, God and Pain

This essay is not meant to be a complete theology of suffering. Oceans of ink have (or in some cases, trillions of inconvenienced electrons) have been spilled across forests of paper to answer the high level theological questions of suffering and how it might fit into God’s undeniably perfect plan. This is meant simply to be a short practical theology of suffering.

There is an urban legend that during a New York garbage strike one man wrapped his garbage in brightly colored wrapping paper and left it on the front seat of his car – from where it was stolen by a thief. Were it only true it would be a quick way to get rid of garbage – and it would be a “gift” no one would really want.

Philippians 1:29 is not an urban legend but it does describe a real “gift nobody wants”, the gift of suffering:

For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him

Toss out the word “suffering” in a discussion and the talk will probably begin with physical pain. Terrible as that can be, it is not the only form of suffering.

Toward a definition: 

There is pain that is intellectual. The knowledge that circumstances can’t be changed can lead to this kind of pain. The circumstance might be a job or a marriage. The kinds of stories that are part and parcel of this kind of pain are ones every pastor or counselor knows all too well.

There is also emotional pain, as from unfulfilled or disappointing relationships. It might be family or friends. Nearly 20 years ago I sat in a hotel restaurant, having breakfast with a well known evangelical teacher. He started a ministry with a friend and they saw it flourish and expand across the nation and then around the world. They had fun in ministry together.

Then came a very public split. They tried letters, friends, mediators, counselors, wives and finally, lawyers. Nothing was able to bridge the gap and the pain was evident as he spoke. Before the breakfast was over, he shed many tears. I remember the words that expressed his pain: “Why does faith seem so life-changing in other people’s lives and so inconsequential in our own?” Both men are now with the Lord. While on this earth they were never able to reconcile. That is emotional pain.

I was unintentionally dismissive of it at the time. Then a friend of twenty years – we slept through Greek class together in seminary – threw me under the bus of his ambition as he climbed the ladder of evangelical “success”. I’m not dismissive of that kind of pain any longer.

Virtually no one is untouched by this kind of pain and it comes unexpectedly, roaring into our lives when we’re least expecting it. The man who sat with us that morning in the hotel restaurant (a good friend with a unique creative gifting who is also a godly pastor) would face his own emotional pain when his daughter ran away to join a group of homeless people who wander from city to city of our western states. Finally in desperation, his wife took to searching the streets at night, offering slices of pizza to any homeless person who had information on the current location of their daughter’s new “family.” They finally traced her to a city nearly 1,000 miles from where they lived. There was no joyous reunion when they finally found her, Only the pain that comes when a beloved daughter chooses to remain in that lifestyle, wandering from city to city, dumpster diving for meals when possible.

Their church was at first outwardly supportive, granting a leave of absence to him. When he was ready to come back however, the church said he was too “broken”. (I happen to think he was more uniquely equipped for ministry than ever before). They asked him to enter counseling, which he did. When the counselor affirmed his fitness to return to ministry, the church released him. That is emotional pain of a kind few experience.

Physical pain is the pain we most often think of when considering this topic. Chronic, intractable pain is real and it is difficult to deal with, to say the least.

Poverty, hunger and abuse abound in this world. Opening the newspaper any day will attest they are very real and ever present. Pain wears a thousand masks and any answer to the question of pain must begin with a definition that includes all of the above aspects, often inter-related, as in an ulcer from worry (Heb. 4:12). I like Margaret Clarkson’s definition: 

“It is every sorrow the human spirit can experience consciously or unconsciously, whether understood or uncomprehended; it is the sum total of all the devastation wrought by evil from the beginning of time to the present.”  (Margaret Clarkson in Destined for Glory: The Meaning of Suffering, p.9)

Whenever this topic is considered, there are three aspects involved in pain and they form the framework of my consideration of this topic.

Question #1 – Why me?

We know very soon if pain is God’s method of prompting us. If we are spiritual it is probably the first question we ask. This (God trying to get our attention) may not be the reason for suffering. This framework – that sin is the reason for suffering – prompted the disciples to ask Jesus about the cause (John 9:1-3). Jesus’ response indicates that their reasoning with regard to the man born blind was faulty. Luke 13:1-5 indicates that suffering may simply be part of living in our fallen world.. The story of Job is another illustration. Job’s “friends” all suggest some causation by Job. All their explanations are inadequate because they’re ignorant of the battle going on in the heavenly realm. 

It is true that God can and does use pain to capture and focus our attention. As C.S. Lewis wrote in The Problem of Pain, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

The simple fact is also true that there are times when I don’t know the reason. “Friends” may suggest that we are “reaping” what we have sown. Like Job’s friends however, they need to recognize that the reaping and sowing principle is a general principle. They have no right to apply that principle to a particular person.

Question #2 – What does this say about God?

Many people who consider the topic of pain and suffering deduce correctly that this topic says something about God. While this is true, the conclusions drawn often leave more questions than answers. They are often practically untenable and Biblically unfaithful.

A frequently offered solution is to suggest that pain is something God is unable to stop - God wants to prevent evil but He can’t. This position states that God is all loving but not all powerful, a position known as Finitism. The implication: if this is the case then God is impotent.

Unfortunately, this impotence would mean God is finite. If a thing is finite, it must be caused. If a thing is caused, it cannot be the greatest thing, so this cannot be God. This position is popular. It is the position of Rabbi Kushner’s book When Bad Things Happen to Good People. “God would like people to get what they deserve in life, but he cannot always manage it.” (p.43)

A second solution is to deduce that God can prevent evil but does not want to do so - God is unloving, a position known as Sadism. It posits an indifferent Deity. Shakespeare penned lines in King Lear that aptly capture the belief of many today:

   As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods,
        They kill us for their sport.

Adherents of pagan religions today believe the same thing. The gods that “control” their lives are capricious at best and delight in cruelty. This position is neither Biblically nor is it philosophically tenable. It posits that God has malice, which we cannot attribute to Him and remain faithful to the testimony of Scripture. 1 John 4:8 says that God’s basic nature is love – that is His essence. It is philosophically unsupportable as well because it would mean God would have to be destroying and creating at one and the same time.

A third option is to posit that there is no God. The position that there is no one on whom we can blame evil is atheism. It is Biblically untenable, because He communicates to us through His word. Philosophically there are simply too many evidences for God. 

The fourth option is Theism, that God wishes to and is able to prevent evil. This is the historic Judeo-Christian position. For those who accept this position - and I am one - it leaves, after all the philosophical considerations, an excruciating question:

Question #3 – What, then, can we do with pain?

We can deny that pain exists at all. This is the approach of the Christian Scientist. Like Grape Nuts, which are neither grape nor nuts, Christian Scientists are neither Christian nor Scientists. The foolishness of this approach is seen in the poem my professor used to recite: 

A certain faith healer of Deal
Asserted “Pain is not real.”
“Then pray tell me why,”
Came the patient’s reply,
When I sit on a pin
And puncture my skin,
Do I hate what I fancy I feel?”

This is obviously untenable. Pain is in fact, VERY real.

I can pray to escape, but if I do so I’m saying suffering is my enemy (1 Cor. 15:26). It is natural and logical to pray that the pain I am experiencing can be escaped. Note that Job was only patient to a point. Then he reacted by praying to escape it through death (Job 6:8,9). This was also the experience of Paul in 2 Cor. 12:8 and Christ in the Garden (Matt. 26:39). This is a logical and natural reaction. The problem comes when we feel that God is obligated to answer this way. See Hebrews 11:34-36.

Some pain, however, will not go away or will not go away soon. The real sticky part of this excruciating question is “What do we do then?” The answer in my experience is that if it continues we can enlist it. This is different from praying to endure it). I can pray to endure, but in doing this I’m saying suffering is my master. 

Warren Wiersbe tells the story of a young preacher at a rescue mission who quotes from Kipling’s poem If:        
         If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
         To serve your turn long after they are gone
         And so hold on when there is nothing in you...
A man in the crowd cries out as the preacher pauses to take a breath, “Yeah, but what if you can’t?”

Quite simply the Stoic approach doesn’t work and this is not what I mean when I talk of enlisting or accepting pain. When we enlist it, pain becomes our servant as we work with God. This is not fatalism, it is an active working with God. Fatalism is passive.

We enlist pain as we allow God to shape or attitude. We can cultivate an attitude of gratitude as in Phil. 4:11. Notice it is not for but in whatever state. The ability to do this is an act of faith, which is why I believe the two are connected in Phil. 1:29.

Biologist Hans Selye whose research and book stimulated popular and professional interest in the psychology of stress wrote: 

“Among all the emotions, there is one which, more than any other, accounts for the absence or presence of stress in human relations; that is the feeling of gratitude – with its negative counterpart, the need for revenge…… I think in the final analysis that gratitude and revenge are the most important factors governing our actions in everyday life; upon them also chiefly depend our peace of mind, our feelings of insecurity, of fulfillment, or frustration, in short, the extent to which we can make a success of life.”

Selye goes on to discuss revenge in a way which reminds one of Hebrews 12:15. Like the Biblical author, Selye concludes that all kinds of trouble stem from bitterness:

Revenge…. Has no virtue whatever, and can only hurt both the giver and the receiver of its fruits. The seeds of any fruit can only reproduce the tree they came from. Revenge generates more revenge and gratitude tends to incite still more gratitude. No sane person would consciously select the savage satisfaction of the vendetta as an ultimate aim in life.

We can surrender our gift back to Him in an act of worship. The priesthood of believers (Heb. 13:15,16) means that we surrender back to Him. 1 Peter 2:5 says much the same thing – we are to offer “…spiritual sacrifices.” What made sacrifices holy? Were they “one of a kind”? No. They were offered to God. That is the difference between commonness and holiness. Acts of worship and of living.

We can develop a posture of sensitivity. 2 Cor. 12:9, “My grace is sufficient.” To Paul, it was the message that he was weak. This attitude of sensitivity is not morbid introspection that focuses on what have I done to deserve this. It is sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. 

Lastly, we can live, even in pain, for God’s glory. It is an act of the will. Paul said “For Christ’s sake, I delight” 2 Cor. 12:19. See also Phil 1:29.

Some Helpful Reading

I have found these books, some of which are out of print, to be helpful in shaping my thinking on this topic.

Margaret Clarkson.  Destined for Glory: The Meaning of Suffering.

Gary Collins.  Beyond Easy Believism

Robert D. Culver.  “The Nature and Origin of Evil”. Bibliotheca Sacra (April-June 1972)

Francis Schaeffer  Pollution and the Death of Man

Warren Wiersbe  When Bad Things Happen to God’s People

Philip Yancey.  Where Is God When It Hurts?